10 by 24 : "A disciplined dependence"

You know what? Learning to trust in the ways of God isn't as simple as I thought it was. Our human nature has this tendency to always want to come back and rely on ourselves, especially when things go wrong. In fact, I have come to learn that reliance and dependence on God is something that requires us to be very disciplined about!

Take for example, me. For those who don't know, I have been working on my Architecture design thesis since last year. I started off this project telling the Lord, "I can't do it without you. If I am to go through this, please direct me and show me the way. I want to partner with you in this." I was excited as I began to see how God caused things to happen and open doors for me as I began to talk to my tutor, talk to other people, do my research, etc. I was convinced that this time round, because I had intentionally allowed God in this area of my life, I would see more success!

Towards the end of the year (last year), my project had met with many dead ends. I wasn't sure how to continue on. I did a few things - talk to my thesis supervisor, took a break, went to borrow more books from the library. I struggled through January thinking of how to progress on. There were days where I would tell God, "Give me a dream of this wonderful design, so that I can start sketching when I wake up!" It didn't happen.

Subtly, I realised that I had developed this thought - "God doesn't seem to be helping me anymore. I think it's time for me to take over!" I didn't intentionally want to think this way. But I found myself doing so when I did not experience the breakthroughs the way I wanted to. At the beginning of this week, I finally managed to push past the wall I had been stuck at. However, what came to my mind shocked me. Instead of being thankful to God, I actually felt relieved that because I had relied on my own ingenuity, I was able to make a breakthrough. In short, "luckily I took back control in time to save my project. Where God did not come through, my persistence did!"

How did I end up like this when all I wanted to do was to depend on God? I spent some time reflecting on this. I started off wanting to do the right thing - the Biblical way. But I realised my understanding of God was faulty. I realised that the Desperation of man does not automatically bring forth the Desperation for God! You might think "Duh... didn't you know that already?" Well, I thought so too! But I was desperate for God for the wrong reasons. I began to understand why many people in Church backslide and claim that God is not real. They were seeking God for the wrong reasons. Like me, they were looking for an all-purpose genie, not a relationship with God who is all-powerful and all-sovereign.


The Bible, God's word teaches us a few important principles.

1. God is for His people.
Romans 8:28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

2. God is all powerful.
Isaiah 40:25-26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.
vs 25 "To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One.

3. God's nature is not dependent on my lowly thoughts of Him.
Isaiah 40:27-28 Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God"?
vs 28 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.

We are so used to understanding God from a human point-of-view that we often equate Him to man. We decide for ourselves that God will react in the same way that man at best will react. We forget that HE IS GOD! He is all all-knowing, all-powerful and always present. HE IS ALL PERFECT. All these doesn't change because I think any lower of Him.

I repented before the Almighty God. I took our relationship for granted. I couldn't trust Him even in a small thing like my design thesis. How can I even start to compare myself with Him? It's an atrocity! But truth is we do it so often. I realised where I had gone wrong. Firstly, my understanding of God was faulty. Secondly, my motivation to partner with Him was tainted by a desperation of man, not a desperation for God. Lastly, I realised I haven't taken much time to pray over my design thesis. Relying on a supernatural power requires supernatural action, then followed by human interventions inspired by the Holy Spirit. Not the other way around.

Perhaps you have given up relying on God. YOU MUST NOT. It is not an option for Christians. It is our call. Be disciplined about it. If you want to live a life that is victorious and successful in Him, then there is only one way. Do not be distracted my worldly expectations and standards. They change mindlessly like lallang swaying in the wind. There is only one way - the way of Jesus.

If you have similar experiences that you want to share to encourage us, or if you are in a situation where you need help, please feel free to write in the comments section.


Joshua Teo