Youth work: Dealing with sexual temptation, discipline and accountability

I would like to start a new series of reflections purely on youth work. Between Ps Jo and I, we have more than 40yrs of youth work experiences. It will be poor stewardship for us NOT to share or teach all of you - our beloved in the Lord. Yet in doing so, I must be careful not to lock your learning into our times and context. As such, I will try and distill our experiences into principles as much as I can for your application in your context. Although these refelctions are written with youth ministry leaders in mind, they carry principles that apply to any believer who struggle with the same issues.

In this 1st reflection, I would like to highlight my learning on certain issues I encountered recently ... [+]

1. Dealing with sexual temptation
It is normal for youth to struggle in their sexual attraction with their partners. Yes, even Christian youth. If they are not sexually attracted, I will be of great concerned – because we are created as sexual beings.

The correct perspective is to see this struggle as a necessary process to develop the fear of God in their lives. We need to teach our youth not to avoid their leaders because of it (have not sinned but struggling), or run away when they have sinned (when they arouse one another intentionally). The temptation to run from their leaders or God is the scheme of the devil to condemn them further through self pity and further sinning. God’s grace is always more than enough for us.

So how do we minister to youth in such a journey? I believe the priority is to inspire them to consider God’s destiny for their lives. They need to know that they are created for GREAT thing because God is Great. Despite their sins and struggles, God can use them if they are willing to return and repent. One thing that helped me personally was understanding the way of God. When I was younger, and struggled more with sexual temptation, I did not see God condemn me and sentence me to uselessness in Christendom. Rather, I was shown grace – I was accepted, I was loved, I was affirmed, I was given the joy to serve.

How could I deny such GRACE? Grace melted my heart and I was changed. For leaders who are helping couples over these areas, draw them to focus their energy/passion towards serving God and seeking God’s destiny (which is both doing and being; there is no clear separation) for their lives.

2. Dealing with discipline
I was shocked by how some leaders react violently to discipline of words of rebuke or correction. They reacted with bad attitude and in an improper manner towards leadership. Their actions only further revealed a lack of character in them.

We need to remember that we are in character formation and not behavioural modification. As such, I will like us to grow in this when we are corrected by leadership. Accept the correction and see if there are areas of change. Acceptance is not necessary equal to agreement. You can accept and change because you are accountable to God over your action towards leadership. Yet there is nothing stopping you in praying for wisdom to understand the purpose of God over the situation that you cannot agree with. In all things in life, we need more than knowing the facts or truth (theory). We need to grow in understanding.

So even when you are corrected unreasonably by leadership, accept it and seek to be understanding.

3. Dealing with accountability with youth; speed and reminders
In working with youth, we need to know that they do have a lot of time; more than you think. They can sleep much lesser than us, chatting on msn, surfing, gaming, etc. Thus, everyday is a full 24hrs of available time to be involved in things that matter to them, eg. BGR, interests and hobbies and even studying. While this is not true for us who are working adults (have a lot more responsibilities etc), it will NOT be prudent to respond to youth ONLY at your convenience or preference. If there is a need for accountability, call them immediately or asap and not when you can. If they are thinking about someone or doing something foolish, they will not wait till you are free to call them to counsel them. If there is a need to check with them on a life issue, do it asap or regret knowing they would have done the very thing you know they should NOT. Thus SPEED in responding is very vital.

About reminders, we cannot use our adult practices and expect youth to respond accordingly. You cannot set a time for cell meeting and expect your youth to remember. They may not because they have many options and interesting distraction. If you don’t call or sms them about your cell meetings, you should not be surprised that they do not turn up or say they forgot. By calling and smsing them, you are helping them to remember their commitment to you and the cell, and they MAY turn up. Such is youth work.

Do drop me a line or mail if you have some questions or thoughts to add.

Ps Seng Lee